Waiting for Validation

How deafening the silence can be when we are eager to hear something that is not being said.


“What a wonderful accomplishment.”

“You are an amazing person.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“I love you.”

“I support you and I am here for you.”

“I accept ALL of you and not just the parts of you that I like.”

Imagine For A Moment

Most of us are not privileged to have someone close in our lives who speak in-to us, in this manner. So for a moment, imagine a world where we could push a button and have our loved ones acknowledge us. Imagine if we could select approval, inspiration, encouragement, acceptance, and validation.  Imagine if you could assign it to the person you really need to hear it from. What would life be like? Would we achieve more?  Would we finally feel fulfilled and at peace?  Would we feel whole and accepted? Unfortunately, this is unlikely.

While that fantasy world sounds really good, it is ultimately the acceptance of self that allows us to find internal peace.  It will be the internal and not that of the external that fortifies our thinking and perspectives of peace.  So how are we able to gauge if we are living from a fortified internal knowledge of self verses a more external view that relies on others to validate and shape our view of self?

Thoughts to Ponder

Our journey towards validation may never allow us to arrive at a destination where we are met with our loved ones saying exactly what we need to hear.  Being accepted for exactly who you are is a wonderful dream.  As well as, receiving praise, encouragement, and approval from others makes us feel worthy.  It is perfectly normal to think this way.   However, when we arrive at a season in life where we need to hear these external affirmations, we can become vulnerable to seeking our personal truth and peace in places that are not conducive for inner healing and strengthening.

Read these sentences and allow yourself to finish them from a place of truth.

  • If I heard everything I wanted to hear from the person/people I wanted to hear it from, I would finally feel…
  • When no one tells me what I need to hear, I feel…
  • I feel _____________ when my efforts are not noticed or appreciated.
  • When I am unsure how someone feels about me, I…

Actively Engaging Thought

Your answers may provide some personal insight into your propensity to reach outside of yourself for peace and approval.  Life can be a very difficult journey to navigate when we are not allowing ourselves to be fulfilled from within.  If we are not fortified from the inside out, we can become dependent on others for approval and validation.   In tandem, we can deplete the patience of those we place in the position to re-qualify us when we do not feel worthy and accepted.

A question to ponder would be, who do you allow or need to pour into your view of self?

God? Your Spouse? Your loved ones? You? Or are you vulnerable to the instable whims of others for your sense of self and worth?  Which in turn, creates a pattern of you never honoring the truth and beauty of who you are unless someone validates who that is.

Accepting ourself, warts and all,  is the beginning of internal validation and approval.

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