Most of us have experienced laryngitis once in our life. We find that the strength of our vocal cords are not working properly when we attempt to speak and all we get is a hollowed whisper. When we experience this, some of us are frustrated with this gross disadvantage. We are not able to articulate with the efficacy upon which we have come to rely.
For some, it is hardly noticed, because we find it difficult to speak up and express ourselves even in the absence of a vocal deficiency. However, I’d like to focus this post on those of us who could use a little laryngitis by choice.
Something to Ponder
A beautiful quote comes from Nouwen (1975), “Out of a multitude of silence, wisdom is born.” If we use this philosophy in the context of our current relationships; family, romantic, friendships, etc., how would this shape or reshape the relationship dynamics? We are constantly in communication. Whether this communication is appreciated, forced, effective, or enjoyed, we are a species of communicators. So ask yourself,
“How would my current relationships fair in the absence of my voice?”
Do my words function as a healing agent or an assassin in my relationships?
Honest Reflections
- Do you sometimes overpower people with your harsh words?
- Do you speak with sarcasm to protect your vulnerability?
- Do you attempt to dominate the conversation with your thoughts while ignoring the opinions of others?
- Do you attempt to take over a conversation with unnecessary information, tutorials, and/or lessons, in the hopes of feeling superior?
- Do you speak at a louder volume in the hopes of feeling more important and quieting the other person?
- Do you talk incessantly from a fear of what might be discovered in silence?
- Do you speak cathartically about a past hurt with anyone who will listen?
- Do you respond with hurtful words when you are not able to get your point across?
- Do you interrogate and ask an array of questions in the hopes of keeping the focus off of you?
- Do you communicate in a way that keeps people at arms length so no one will see that you are hurting inside?
Actively Engaging the Power of Thought
If you answered yes to any of these questions; first, thank you for being honest with yourself. Second, there is good news. Any of these learned communication styles can be unlearned. The trick is to identify the origin of your communication style. Here are some exploratory questions to get you started on your journey of gaining a healthier communication style.
When did you tell yourself it was necessary and okay to speak with others this way?
The last time you allowed someone to over talk you, what did that feel like?
If you find that you speak harshly to people, try to identify who spoke harshly to you in the past? From this, what did you tell yourself about harsh communication?
Do you feel the need to speak about an unresolved past hurt because ultimately, you feel paralyzed to take necessary actions?
If You Answered NO to All of The Honest Reflection Questions
If you answered no to all of these questions; however, you recognize your friend, co-worker, or loved one, please revisit this blog or subscribe to receive future articles entitled:
- Are You A People Pleaser?
- How To Set Boundaries
HARD questions + HONEST answers = ACTIONS towards healing and peace
Nouwen, J. M. Henri. (1975). Reaching out; the three movements of the spiritual life. New York, NY: Doubleday.